Why Feeling Rushed Changes How You Think, Feel and Live
By Jamie Bussin, featuring Alex Snider
Why do traffic jams, airport lineups and slow people make us so angry? According to mindfulness teacher and author Alex Snider, the stress isn’t caused by the clock alone. It’s created by the story we tell ourselves about how time should unfold. When reality doesn’t match that expectation, our brains interpret the situation as a threat, even when we’re perfectly safe.
As a meditation teacher and co-founder of Mindful Fed, Alex Snider explores what modern busyness gives us, and what it quietly takes away, in his book Sometimes You Should Be Late, published on July 7, 2026. This article is a digest of our interview from Episode #446 of The Tonic Talk Show/Podcast.
Why does feeling rushed seem to change not just what we do, but who we become?
Our relationship with time is complicated. According to Alex, when we’re rushed, it’s much like when we’re very hungry. Part of us feels unsettled. We feel that the world in front of us isn’t the one we want, so we try to get through things as quickly as possible. When we’re rushed, our bodies shift into a different state that says, “I’m under threat, and I need to do something to fix that.” The fear centre of our brain is activated.
We want to get through our to-do list and meet every deadline. In part, this is because we live in an urgency culture in which efficiency, productivity, meeting deadlines and being punctual are treated as the highest priorities.
Why are traffic jams so stressful for some people?
You might be the type of person who doesn’t get stressed when there are delays. Or you might be like me and find traffic jams and long airport lineups unbearable. Why do people react so differently to these situations?
According to Alex, the disconnect between our expectations and reality is the starting point. That feeling is compounded by the apparent loss of control over the situation. There’s nothing wrong with feeling frustrated when you’re faced with a long, unexplained delay.
But how we react is a choice. As Alex explains:
“When you’re traveling with your family in a car, stuck in traffic, let’s say you want to get to a vacation spot. There’s this moment of, ‘I just want to get there to enjoy my time with my family.’ But what you forget is that you’re already with your family. This is an opportunity to say, ‘Okay, this traffic—it’s exhausting, it’s frustrating. I wish it were different, and I have a choice right now to enjoy the conversation with my family or listen to some music.'”
In other words, we can choose to avoid the arrival fallacy, the belief that happiness only begins once we reach our destination.
Is stress really about time?
Time is something we construct. We shape it as a culture and as individuals interacting with one another.
For example, if you’re meeting a friend for coffee at 10 a.m. and they arrive two minutes late, deciding that’s a major problem is, in many ways, a choice. We create what Alex calls an urgency trap, believing that every moment must be optimized.
That doesn’t mean the way we organize time through deadlines and punctuality isn’t useful. Those conventions serve practical purposes. But, according to Alex, they can also pull us away from what really matters.
People don’t necessarily experience time differently; rather, they interpret the way they spend their time differently. We don’t have to remain in constant productivity mode. We don’t have to rigidly adhere to self-imposed deadlines. We can choose not to complete every task on our to-do list.
We don’t experience time objectively. We experience our interpretation of time.
Does that mean we should slow down or ignore deadlines?
Not necessarily.
According to Alex, slowing down simply for the sake of slowing down isn’t the goal, just as relentless speed isn’t inherently virtuous. Slowing down gives us the opportunity to choose a different response to time.
“There’s more to life than just how many things we do or how quickly we get to the front of the line. There’s a deeper question: How do we inhabit these short moments that we have on Earth?”
Five ways to develop a healthier relationship with time
- Notice when urgency becomes your identity.
- Separate the delay from the story you’re telling yourself.
- Accept what cannot be changed.
- Expand your attention beyond the obstacle.
- Remember you’re already living your life—not waiting for it to begin.
Alex argues that our relationship with time shapes far more than our schedules. It shapes our emotions, our relationships and even our character. Delays, traffic jams and long lines are not simply inconveniences; they reveal how we respond when reality differs from our expectations.
By replacing automatic urgency with mindful attention, we gain the freedom to choose curiosity over frustration, empathy over judgment, and presence over perpetual rushing. In that sense, the goal isn’t to eliminate speed from life but to ensure that speed doesn’t eliminate our ability to truly live it.
